(This letter is me trying to sort through feelings. I apologize if it is choppy and unorganized. As you could tell from my post on facebook, yesterday was a difficult day. Our family is on a journey right now. I know we will get through it. We appreciate those who are keeping us in your prayers. )
Given the current circumstances, I have been thinking a lot about family lately. Everyone’s family is different. If you think about your own family, you can probably even break it down into several different families. You have your mom’s side, your dad’s side, the family group you grew up in, The family you have presently, in-laws, ect. You get my point. You may, like me, have friends you consider family. Aaron told me years ago, he sometimes has a hard time understanding the relationships our family has. He grew up in a military family and lived many years overseas. He has probably seen my grandparents more times than he did his own. Since I did not grow up in a military family and both sets of grandparents lived only hours away, I saw them a lot. As a result, I had/have a great relationship with all of them. My relationships with both sides of my family are different. Unfortunantly, my relationship with my Dad’s side is strained. So let me focus this conversation on my mom’s side of the family. That is, after all, why I have been thinking so much about this topic in the last few weeks.
My mom’s side the family consist of my grandmother, Grandfather, two uncles, six first cousins, and many, many, many great uncles, Great Aunts, and other cousins. Just to give you an idea, My Grandmother had 6 brothers and sisters. I spent every summer at my grandmother’s house for as many weeks as I could talk my parents and grandparents into. Grandma lives on a farm and there are always different animals. In my life, I have bottle fed cows, goats, and even a deer once. She also has ponds to fish in, bales of hay to climb on, fruit trees to pick, and there were always cousins to play with. I loved it there.
A few years ago, I was at our annual family Christmas. I was walking in the front yard with my cousin, Michelle. To the left of us, Michael was taking the smaller kiddos on four wheeler rides. In front of us, other family members were shooting skeet. My uncles were sitting on the back of the truck eating oysters out of a cooler. It hit me…..Like an epiphany. Turning to Shell, I said, “We really are redneck aren’t we?” Redneck or not, our family is tight. We take care of each other and are extremely protective of our own. (Let me also say, when you marry in to our family, you are one of us. Be warned!) My cousins and I have grown up almost like siblings. My uncles were like 2nd parents. I knew they would get me just as quick as my parents if I even stepped a toe out of line.
About two years ago, my Uncle Bobby passed away. Although I knew he had some health problems, his death still came as a shock. I remember going to the hospital to see him the weekend before he died. It was horrible, even more so for my cousins who were losing their Dad. My mom had a hard time with it. She was the oldest. Being the oldest child, I think you just naturally expect to go first. I know I never want to go through losing my sister. My grandmother use to tell me about her mother-in-law who had seven kids. She buried all seven before she died herself. My grandmother always said the same thing, “ Karyn, I can imagine no greater hell than burying your own children.”
Fast forward to today. Our family is rallying again. My mom’s baby brother, my uncle Charles, is dying. Today, the doctor told him it wouldn’t be long. We are doing what we can to help him. My mom has moved in with him to care for him in his final days. My mom is a force to be reckoned with. She is so amazing. I don’t think I have ever met a stronger woman than my mother. I don’t know what my Grandmother is going to do. I look at my grandmother. She seems so weak and frail. Yet, as she faces her greatest nightmare, I see the strength she carries.
It is hard to imagine him not being here. He always has been here. When my first marriage imploded, he was the first one I called. He was at my house in fifteen minutes with 3 trucks and 4 extra men to pack me up. Once, Joey told him he loved watermelon. My uncle sent to our house TWENTY of them.
A few weeks ago, I was staying at my uncle’s house. It was late and the only people up were the two of us. We talked. We talked about stories from the past, what we remembered, and our family members. He told me what it was like for him growing up. Some of the things he told me I knew already. Other things were new to me. He talked about what the past few years had been like, our triumphs, our regrets. We talked about dying and heaven. He told me what he wanted when the end came. I told him how much he means and has meant to me. Sometimes, we just sat in silence. At one point, he looked up at me and said, “I love you, girl. You know that, right? ” Yes, I know that. That is the great thing about our family. Good or bad, not much goes unsaid.
