Happy Birthday, Logan!

September 25, 2012
 
Dear Logan,                                       

I can’t believe you are 10.  It seems like just yesterday you were born.  Did you know I took one look at you and thought, “I’ve given birth to a papoose!”  You had such beautiful dark skin and eyes.  Your head was covered with black hair.  Of course, I only got to look at you briefly because your daddy whisked you away and wouldn’t give you back.  In the hospital, you were constantly in his arms.  I had to beg to hold you.  At the slightest noise, your daddy would scoop you up.  He was enthralled by you!  You seemed perfectly content to be daddy’s boy- then and now!   

I am so proud of you.  You have accomplished so much in the 10 years you have been alive.  Most of all, you are kind.  (Except to Joey.)  Daddy and I watched you last weekend at the aquarium.  You would walk up to any of the children with special needs and start a conversation with them.  You weren’t even a little intimidated.  You are amazing with the kids on our baseball team.  I was so impressed that you didn’t want to play on a league yourself because you wouldn’t get to be a buddy to a player in the sunshine league.  You are patient.  (Except to Joey.)  You are helpful. (Except to Joey.)  I am so impressed by the person you have become.  

I can’t wait to see what you do with your life.  I know you can do anything you set your mind to do.  I hope you have a happy birthday and a GREAT 10^th year.  (Hey- work on the Joey thing.)

I love you,

Mom

Focus, Fun, & Fishies!

This past week has been hard- the kind of hard where life sees you on the ground and just keeps kicking you.  As you probably noticed from the previous couple of blog post, our family has been going through a tough time recently.  Today was a much needed day.  What made today so special?  Well, it was the annual Focus day at the aquarium, of course!  

Special thanks to Lucy, Joy, and all the staff and volunteers.  You guys rock!!

Our family belongs to a wonderful organization here in Atlanta.  Focus stands for Families of Children Under Stress and it includes all families who have a child with special needs.  This group is AMAZING! Not only do they provide information and support for families like ours, they also bring the fun!  To tell you about all of the things this group does would take too much time, so I will direct you to the website if you would like more information.  The address is http://www.focus-ga.org/ . Check  it out!  If you are a special needs family- you need to be a part of this group.  If you are looking for a deserving organization to make a donation to, please consider this group.  

Aaron, the boys, and I signed in at the Georgia Aquarium at 8:30.  That is right!  The aquarium opened early just for our group!  We were able to explore the attractions for 1 ½ hours before they let in the general public.  That meant we were able to explore the exhibits before they became crowded.  In fact, by the time we went to the Ocean’s Ballroom for brunch, we had toured most of the aquarium.  Brunch was yummy!  Wolfgang Puck catering was responsible for the food and it was delicious.  

After lunch, we toured the frog exhibit.  (My sister would have died!)  We also caught the Dolphin Show.  The highlights for the kiddos were the penguins!  We had to go back to that numerous times and Joey spent a good part of the day explaining to me how he could adopt one of the penguins and keep it in his room!  Tyler loved the whales and the large viewing area.  

Aaron, Tyler, and Joey explore the Jellyfish

 

Do you know what the best part of the day was for me?  It was being with the other families.  There were wheel chairs , feeding tubes, meltdowns, screaming, and some fits. No one in focus blinked an eye.  Aaron talked to a woman in the brunch line.  She was about to fix a plate for her child and herself.  Sighing, she set her plate down and said her child was just going to have to sit while she fixed her plate.  She told Aaron she hoped he could do that quietly.  Aaron smiled and said, “Who cares if he gets loud?  We are focus and we’ve all been there!”  It was wonderful!

Logan becomes part of the exhibit

Joey and Logan "swim" with the penguins

Breakdown

My grandmother has always told me, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.”  Tonight, in a particularly emotional moment I found the following quote by Mother Teresa,

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much."

Last week, I was on the phone talking to my mom.  I was telling her about an incident with Joey and I got angry.  In despair, I cried out, “Why?!!  Why does God seem to put everything on me?”  Very quietly, my mom said, “I don’t know, sweetheart.”  

The truth is-She doesn’t know.  She doesn’t know what she can do to help me. How can she respond when her natural mom’s instinct is to fix everything? How can she respond to situations she can’t fix?  Doesn’t every family have its own unique challenges? Are mine more than others?  I know I only have to go and sit in the ICU unit at the Children’s hospital to see families dealing with far worse things than I am.    

Yet, tonight I want to scream out, I want to be angry with my creator for the challenges he has given me.  I want to cry and throw a tantrum.  I want to demand-yes, DEMAND to be given a reason why my heart is forced to break wide open over and over.  I want to see the future, the outcome, the purpose! 

You want the truth?  Here’s the truth-

I quietly observe the children of my friends who are the same age as Tyler.  I watch them argue with their parents over going out with friends and I am jealous!  Why do some parents get to deal with argumentative teenagers when I can’t seem to carry on a conversation past one sentence with my teenager?  Why do other parent’s get to worry about which is the best vitamin to give their Kindergartener when I am up researching ADHD medication side effects for my youngest son?  Why do I know the staff at the local urgent care center so well? 

There are days when I am tired-tired of dealing, tired of feeling as if everyone is looking to me to have the answer.  I want to sit in a small quiet room and just feel Aaron’s arms around me.  I don’t want to talk, just sit.  

Don’t get me wrong.  I love my kids.  There has never been a moment when I regret having them.  I would make the choice all over again for the chance to be their mom.  

I am tired of others looking into my life and saying, “You are so strong” or “I don’t know how you do it.”  I do it because I have to.  There is no option for me to not do it.  

So if I need to breakdown now and then, look the other way, and try not to judge.

Attention Moms (and Dads, too!)

From the day you announce your pregnancy, you enter into a world where you are constantly given advice!  Don't get me wrong.  I love to get advice from other moms who share parenting tips and strategies that work for them.  I learn so much from my friends who are parents, especially those with children who are older than mine.  I mean, they've been there..... in the trenches of parenthood..... where the kids are closing in and you are unsure where to fight, surrender, or run away!  Don't act like you don't know what I am talking about! :)  The helpful advice is always welcome.  The support is great, too.  After a particularly stressful Joey episode today, one of my co-teachers said to me, "This too shall pass!"  I needed the reminder.

However, it is the unsolicited, unhelpful advice I have a problem with.  If your "advice" is meant to insult my ability as a mom or insult my child, it would be especially helpful if you could just keep it to yourself.  Every mom has those moments where she questions if she is making the right parenting choices.  Every mom has her moments of doubt.  Therefore, shouldn't we encourage other moms during these moments instead of bringing them down further?

For those who are unaware, I am a mom of three.  Each of my children are a gift, unique, and precious.  Each have their own challenges.  My oldest, has down syndrome and autism.  My middle, is a freaking genius.  Keeping him challenged at school is a concern for us.  He was reading at two.  He is currently reading and doing math at a 6-7th grade level- he is in the 4th grade.  No, we are not letting him skip a few grades.  Emotionally and socially, he is a 4th grader!  (Sorry, I digress.)  Our youngest has been diagnosed with ADHD.  Currently, he tops my mommy worry list.    

So, for fun... to vent.... to let out the pent up anger and frustration.... I want to issue a challenge.  I want to hear it!  Tell me what "advice" you have gotten (or people you have had to deal with as a parent) that you have gotten frustrated with.  Then, pass the post on to you parenting friends so they can vent, too!  Let it out, Moms and Dads!  We'll call it a BITE ME list and I will start.........

To the nurse who answered all of my medical questions regarding my son who was on life support at the time with the same generic answer of "it's because he has Down Syndrome." -BITE ME!  (Even children with Down Syndrome have regular health issues, Moron!)

To the wonderful people who suggest my son's ADHD would be "straightened out" with a good spanking.... BITE ME!

 Go ahead, don't be shy, add your own........... I'm sure I will be adding to the list, myself!

Chores, Money, and the Epiphany!

I’ll admit it.  Sometimes, I have really good intentions when it comes to things, but lack the follow through to implement them.  There, I said it. I’m guilty.  This is especially true when it comes to chores and allowances for my children.  I know they need chores.  They need to contribute to the family and it helps them to learn many things.  I know all this.  BUT (and moms back me up on this) I have a lot to get done in a very limited time.  Sometimes, it is easier to send them out to play and do it myself!  I have tried many systems of assigning chores and even tied in an allowance if they get them completed.  This leads to me forgetting to mark them off on their list and don’t even get me started with calculating the amount of allowance they have earned.  This never works for our family.  Then, I had an epiphany!  In June of this year, I realized…wait for it…… I am working too hard!   Not to mention the kiddos were blowing through the family budget every time the ice-cream truck came through our neighborhood.  

I think it started when we bought the pool.  The boys would beg me to get in it with them and it seemed I always had something to finish up or a chore to get done.  Enter the epiphany.  I was contemplating one night about the chore/allowance dilemma when I stumbled across a blog.  The mom used a system for chores I thought was interesting.  I don’t remember the name of the blog and I think she got the idea from watching the Duggar Family.  However, I quickly went to work and tweaked the system to fit our family.  Then, I called a family meeting.  

Every so often, our family has what we call a “Come to Jesus” meeting.  I think “Come to Jesus” is supposed to mean you come to the meeting with a loving heart and open mind ready to share a moment as a family to try and solve a dilemma.  However, with our family, they usually mean “you better get to the table and figure out what is wrong with you right now or your gonna SEE Jesus.”  

As the boys gathered around the table, I spelled out the situation for them.  We had two issues:

 

1.       1- Mommy was working too hard to clean up messes she didn’t make.  I explained I wanted to have time to play with them and have fun, but I spent the days picking up after them and cleaning.  (Sometimes, living in a house full of “men” can be messy.)

2.       2- Finances.  I, like most moms, want to give my boys everything.  I also want to teach them the importance of budgeting their own money. I explained how when mommy and daddy gets paid, we have to pay bills, tithe, put some into savings, and then decide how to spend the rest. 

Then, I implemented the Campagnone grand plan.   

Here are the details:

I purchased some white and colored index cards and plastic index card holders from the store.  Then, I went to the computer and typed up the chores needing to be done.  Since Joey cannot read yet, I put pictures beside each of the chores.  I printed them out, cut them up, and glued each of them to individual index cards. I also saved the template to make it easy to print out if a card was destroyed and needed to be replaced.  Each day, each boy will get his card holder with their daily chores in them.  Before they are allowed to go outside, turn on the TV, or play a video game, they must do their chores.  Every now and then, I slip a colored index card into the mix.  They are always excited about this because it is a bonus chore and completing it will earn them an extra .50.  They realized how quickly that could add up!

Speaking of money…………….I explained to the kiddos they would get an allowance every week.  A friend once told me she gave her children .50 X the age of the child.  I thought this was a great idea! I also told them the allowance would have nothing to do with their chores.  (Logan was especially excited about that.)  Why?  Chores should be what you do to contribute as a member of a family.  You don’t get paid for doing it.  You also don’t get a choice in whether or not you complete your chores.

That’s it.  The system was all laid out for them.  So it began……

It worked!!!  We started this in June.  Three months later, it is still working.  The children will come home from school, eat a snack, do their homework, quickly get their chore boxes and get to work.  I even overheard one say to the other one evening, “Don’t leave your toy there! I might have to clean the living room tomorrow!”  Why does this work when MANY others have failed?

·         I don’t give them the same chores every day.  It is always a surprise to see what is in their chore box.

·         Slipping a color card in their every now and then adds to the excitement.

·         Because there is no chart to put a smiley face on or earned allowance to add up at the end of the week, it is relatively simple for me. I simply pick out three of four cards to put in the holders after they go to bed. 

·         The boys have stopped asking me for money.  They have their own money and make their own decisions on what to spend it on.  For the record, I’ve noticed the boys are much more discriminating on what to buy when spending their own money! 

A few weeks ago, a neighbor got the boys off the bus for me.   When I got home, she commented on the way the kids got their chores completed quickly and without fighting.  I printed her off the template and she now uses them with her own children.  When you find something that works so well for you, you want to share it.  If you would like a copy of the template, message me and I will send it to you! If you decide to use this system, please let me know how it went in your own house.